A Little Canadian Fun on Canada Day
HAPPY CANADA DAY –we're 146 yrs young!
In honour of that, fellow author and Canadian, Daryl Devore, and I decided to meet. She threw a donut at the map and picked a Tim Horton's in Saskatchewan
Why Saskatchewan? Daryl lives in the center of the universe – a.k.a Ontario. Brenda lives in Lotusland - a.k.a BC – a.k.a – British Columbia – see map
Sask is in the middle (the green one). And why Tim's? Cause there is one on every other street corner in this country. We love our Timmies. We might be addicted to them.
She gets in her dogsled (we call them cars here) and drives east. I get in mine and go west. Days later I arrive at our chosen location and plop down in a chair and wait. Brenda walks in the door. I recognize her - her photo is up on FB. She recognizes me by the crazy red head who's waving hysterically across the room.
Momentarily debating whether to drive back to BC or stay, Brenda orders a Double double and collapses in the seat across from me. Conversation starts off brilliantly.
"Hey," I say.
"Hey," she says. (We are writers – not talkers!)
Brenda tosses a loonie and toonie on the table and takes a sip of her coffee. She closes her eyes and sighs. "Ahhhh, I needed this. Been an hour since my last one and was having withdrawals." She takes a bite of her double chocolate donut and smiles at Daryl with chocolate in her teeth. "Want a bite?"
Daryl rolls her eyes and cringes. "Ah, no. No I don't."
Brenda shrugs. "Your loss." After swallowing the last bit, she sits back. "How was the drive?"
"Not too bad. It's July 1st so the snow is almost melted. How was yours, eh?"
"Basically uneventful. Well, except for the bloody gas prices. A buck forty a freaking litre." Shakes head. "I heard by the end of summer gas should be aboot a buck fifty a litre."
Daryl takes the top off her hot chocolate and blows across the steamy liquid. "Bullshit, all of it, eh."
Brenda eyes Daryl. "This'll be a stupid question since this is the first time we've met in person, but you seem tired."
With a wide yawn, Daryl crosses her legs. "I am. We've been renovating the igloo. Finally finished after months of chaos. Global warm is wreaking havoc on the roof."
Brenda nods and smiles. "I know what ya mean. We re-painted our igloo last summer. So, what did ya think of the Stanley Cup playoffs? I was choked the Vancouver Canucks didn't get far. Still pissed they lost to..." Gags. "Boston last year. That still stings."
Daryl shrugs. "I don't really care for hockey."
Brenda sits up straight and narrows her eyes. "What do you mean, you don't care for hockey?"
"Just what I said. I don't really watch it."
Suddenly, Brenda stands up with her hands balled into tight fists, knocking the chair to the floor.
"WHAT? How can you say that? Are you sick or something?"
"Look,not ALL Canadians like hockey, eh!"
Gasps from the other customers fill the room. A pimpled-faced teen, wearing the Tim Horton's uniform rushes over. "Hey, what all the shouting aboot, eh?"
Daryl crosses her arms over her chest and crosses her legs. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" Brenda's frown deepens. "She said she didn't care for hockey!"
"That's no reas--wait, what did you say?" the Timmie's employee asked.
"Oh for shit sakes," Daryl said under her breath. "So I don't like hockey. Is that a national crime?"
"Maybe?" Brenda narrows her eyes and crosses her arms.
"Look, I stopped watching it when they changed the Hockey Night in Canada theme song. Hockey's just never been the same for me. I feel hurt, crushed, aggrieved, cut to the quick, discommoded." Daryl lowers her head and tear drips off her cheek.
Everyone in the Timmie's stands – places their hand over their heart and bellows – du du du du du, du du du du du, DU NAAAAAAAAAA. To hear real version - click here (hope this works?!?!)
Brenda places a comforting hand on Daryl's shoulder. "Yes, you know you're Canadian when a hockey theme is better known than our national anthem."
A retiree sitting with his buddies leans over and says, "Yea, you know you're Canadian when - you drink pop, not soda."
A voice shouts across the Tim's "You get milk in bags."
"You dismiss all beers under 6% as for children and the elderly."
"Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian Passport."
Brenda stands on her chair and yells - "You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!"
"Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups."
"Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof."
"You clean the grease off your BBQ so the bears won't prowl on your deck."
"You find -40 a little chilly."
Daryl jumps up on the counter raises her fist and yells - "You know the 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Road Construction."
Brenda wipes a tear away. "I remember when the TV show The Beachcombers was taken off the air. I still miss old Relic."
She grabs her Tim Horton's coffee and raises it high. "I'm proud to live in a country that actually knows what a touque is. My favorite store to shop in is Canadian Tire. That store has everything!"
Daryl flashes Brenda the thumbs up sign. "Canada is aboot the best dang country in the world, eh?"
The room erupts with cheers and the National Anthem is belted out in French and English. Ooooooooooooooooooooooh Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaanada. Our home and native land. Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux.
Brenda and Daryl hug and step outside. Both walk over to a park and sit under a maple tree. A warm breeze blows through the large leaves, making them dance, while the Canadian flag set on the peak of the Timmie's roof snaps crisply in the wind, proudly displaying her colours.
As Daryl sits on the thick grass she looks up at Brenda. "I guess we should probably talk writing or aboot our books, eh?"
Brenda sits by Daryl and plucks a blade of grass. "Nah, I'm sick of yapping aboot my book Love's Prophecy and how spectacularly awesome it is. If people are interested they can check it out on Amazon. If they aren't interested – they should still check it out anyway. Click here to check it out.Do you want to talk aboot your books?"
Daryl shrugs. "Not really. I'm sick of talking aboot how excellent my erotic contemporary fantasy, Capri's Fate is. Or how wonderful erotic my medieval romance Black Dorn is and how A Kept Woman is filled with spanking goodness or how Sexy Red Hood is a twisted Fairy Tale with a sexy spin that'll leave you hot and bothered. And that all my books are available on Amazon, Smashwords, All Romance Ebooks, Kobo, Reader Store, BookStrand…." Daryl puts a finger to her lips and looks at the sky. "Oh yea and All Book Stories if you want print versions."
"Your books are really good though," Brenda said. "What are ya working on right now?"
Daryl blushes at Brenda's praise. "I'm writing an erotic medieval fantasy where a prince meets a mysterious woman and a dragon. Well I'm writing it when I'm not answering emails, Facebooking, Twittering, promoting, Triberring, Pinteresting, Blogging, Blog hopping."
Brenda sighs and shakes her head. "I hear ya. Don't forget rewrites, critiques and edits, plotting, POVs and GMCs."
"General Motor Corporation???"
"Goals, motiviation and conflict."
"Ah, yes, I knew that."
A car drives past with the windows open and the music blarring - Baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no Like baby, baby, baby, oh…..
Brenda and Daryl chuckle. "Gotta love our Biebs."
"So Brenda, Mel, the vampire in your wickedly wonderful, hot, awesome book – Love's Prophecy – now available in paperback – is he based on any one you know? Anyone you might be married to?"
"I wish--not sayin' my husband isn't hot and sexy, but Mel is in a league of his own. But now that I think about it, Mel and Paul share a few personality traits. Mel and I also share a few quirks. But really, Mel isn't based on anyone in my real life. He is strictly part of my imagination.
"And is there another book in the works? Details. The juicier the better. I need something to think about on the long drive back to Ontario."
"Yep, book #2 in The Prophecy Series. Book 2 is Kal's story. The title is Prophecy's Child. It’s scheduled for release the 2nd week of July. I can give you all a few hints of what you can expect to find, but they will be vague so as not to give anything away. Kal was in love--real love--with a human woman named Katherine ten years ago. But he left her because of their differences: he is a vampire, she is a human. He didn't think it was possible for the two to have a lasting relationship until Mel and Breeana showed him the error of his ways. Anyway, he and Katherine literally bump onto each other. Kal is elated, but Katherine's hatred toward him puts the brakes on his thoughts of maybe them reuniting. But destiny is a funny bitch. She has other ideas. Kal is going to come face to face with his fate and he will have to fight to win all he desires.
This book will be filled with humor, anger, love, hot sex, and twists you didn't see coming."
"Oooh, I love twists. Can't wait to read it."
Daryl looks at her watch. "Guess it's aboot time to hitch up the sled and head home. Gonna be havin' a feed of Beaver Tails."
Brenda rubs her tummy. "With maple syrup -- that comes from a tree."
"You know it. It's the only way to eat a beaver…...tail that is." Snicker Snicker.
"Hey," Brenda asks. "Ever been to Zexwzaxw Glacier?"
"Naw, but I did make it to Come by Chance once. Wanted to go to Dildo, but the fog got thicker than 3 day old pea soup."
"Husband and I were thinking of taking the kids camping at Ass Hill or Billy Butts Pond."
Daryl nods. "Fun places. Good times, eh. Well, Brenda it's been an honour to meet one of my favourite authors and did I mention I love the colour of your hair it's almost the same as my neighbour's?"
"G'won wit 'cha." Brenda hops on her sled/car and heads towards the drive thru. "Going to need an x-large double double to make it back to BC."
Daryl stands and stretches. "Yes, I'd best get a move on. If I'm late I'll get a right good tongue banging."
And that dear visitor is a peek into the warped minds of authors exxxtrodinaire Brenda Dyer and Daryl Devore. For more fun and wackiness – head north of the 49th parallel where we sing the "Great White North" theme song with pride ... coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo To hear song - click here
If you'd like to see a fascinating segment about the relationship between Canada and the US – watch – Tom Brokaw Explains Canada to Americans –
If you've made it this far - if you have any questions about Canada - ask away.
Take it easy, hosers.